Another nail in the coffin.

So the whole world knows what Prince Charles didn't, repeat didn't do. And frankly, who cares? Speculating that there are strange goings on in the sexual lives of the British royals is like suspecting a streak of right-wing tendency in the Nazi party. Goes with the territory. Centuries of, shall we say, selective breeding have hardly created a template for normality in the Windsors.

Couldn't care less if Charles is gay. Hope he is. Good luck to him, it doesn't matter a toss to me. But I'll cheer anything that discredits the royals a little bit more with the British public. Their very existence corrodes our democracy and cheapens our citizenship (we're all "subjects" anyway - subjected to this nonsense day in day out). The best thing that can come out of this media circus is we'll maybe step a bit nearer to being a republic. The French, of course, had a unique solution to ridding themselves of aristocracy. I wouldn't personally favour public beheadings of our esteemed royals, but this constant trial by media that they're experiencing is probably the modern day equivalent.

They're all just so embarrassing. Whenever I see the Queen on the news in some country or other, representing our nation wearing some awful flowery dress and a big hat I just cringe inside. Is this the symbol we want to send out to the world? A septuagenarian with bad dress sense? Almost a perfect metaphor for Britain really.

Get rid of her, all her family and their dreadful horsey hangers on. They are a shameful anachronism and an appalling example of all the worst things that this country still clings to: inherited wealth, privilege and power have no place in a supposedly meritocratic liberal democracy. Off with their heads!

Oh, bollocks

True to form, back on the tabs last night. No willpower. I had a pint of Hoegaarden in my hand for about, ooh, thirty seconds before I was reaching for them again. Curses! Marlboro reds aswell. Oh well, needs must. . .

Life without nicotine, Day 5

So, still haven't smoked. Still haven't wanted to really. But that's just the cold talking. Once this baby clears up it'll be a different story. Oh yes.

Dismember, dismember the 5th of November

Fucking fireworks. I hate them. Always have done. Can't understand why people would want to go and stand in a muddy field on a cold November night and get neck-ache experiencing some sparks and bangs. It's just chemical reactions, people! Wooh! Magnesium! Wooah! Titanium! Wahey! Phosporous! Even more ridiculous is the notion of having your own fireworks party - just like a public display, only it's about one tenth as impressive and half of the bastards don't even go off properly anyway. I'd advocate the outright banning of sales of domestic fireworks if it wasn't for the fact that bootlegged ones would be even more dangerous, noisy and intrusive.

Guess I'll just have to sit here, be patient and wait for it all to pass for another year.

Thanks Guy Fawkes, you mad Catholic bastard.

So, I've given up smoking

Sort of. By accident. Truth is I've come down with a stinker of a cold (again) and the thought of cigarettes hasn't appealed to me in the slightest since Saturday. They say that when you give up smoking, the first 48 hours is the toughest in terms of physical cravings. So far, it's been really rather easy. With this cold, pig shit would taste nicer than cigarette smoke. So, here I am three whole days later and, according to the stuff I've been reading, considerably better off already.

Apparently, my body has already rid itself of nicotine, carbon monoxide and all kinds of other crap. I no longer smell of stale smoke, my breath is less pungent, my taste buds are enlivened and. . . Jesus. All this talking about cigarettes has stirred my cravings. It's like prodding a sleeping cobra with a big stick.

The real test, as every smoker knows, comes when I'm next down the pub. Beer and cigarettes go like gin and tonic, fish and chips, Dempsey and Makepeace. We'll just have to see. As Mark Twain said, and you will see this quoted in every article ever written by anyone ever about giving up smoking: "Giving up smoking is easy. I've done it hundreds of times".