Tories unveil shockingly unoriginal election policy

In a real departure, the Conservative Party today outlined the key theme of their manifesto for the coming general election: immigration. What cunning! What nous! Who ever would have thought it? The Tories using immigration as an electoral strategy? Truly, I am speechless at the sheer originality of the whole concept. And where did the unveiling of this masterstroke take place? A full page advert in the Sunday Telegraph. Of course it did, of course it did.

Amusing that, nearly eight years on from being brushed aside from power, being on their third leader and not once increasing their ratings in the polls for any prolonged period of time, the Tories have bravely decided to press on once again with the very policies that kept them unelectable in 1997 and 2001. The contempt I feel for Michael Howard is pretty extreme at the best of times but it takes moments like this to remind me why. Using immigration as a core feature of your election strategy is despicable. Even more outrageous is the fact that his own parents were immigrants to Britain in the 1930s, fleeing from anti-semitic persecution in Romania. Yet he would seek to severely restrict this right to others seeking shelter from similar tyranny. All in exchange for a few more votes from feeble minded little Englanders who have read in the Daily Mail that foreigners want to come over here, get their daughter pregnant, eat without cutlery and take a big poo in their drawing room. Then, they'll be off to claim their welfare money before moving in to a ten bedroom mansion in Surrey courtesy of the British taxpayer.

Michael Howard, you are an odious little turd and, although I have issues with Tony Blair and his government, I still look forward to seeing your party routinely swept aside once again on May 5th. I look forward even more to the inevitable Conservative party leadership challenge on, ooh, May 6th.