Monday, October 11, 2004

In fact, what we need is a Chav Hitler*

This was actually the idea of my friend Pete who stumbled upon this genius concept at the pub on Friday night. He was probably too drunk to remember but I think he's right.

I'm not seriously advocating genocidal practices but we need to do something. I realise I'm starting to read like a Daily Mail editorial here, but I'm really coming round to the idea of zero tolerance to cut crime. It worked pretty well in New York. Now, as a left-leaning liberal I'm supposed to regard such concepts as , erm, illiberal. But in my heart of hearts I want to be able to go about my business without having to navigate packs of chav fuckwits. They're EVERYWHERE. The Burberry, the bright white trainers, the bad skin, the vulgar casual clothing, the baseball caps, the illiterate graffiti, the souped up Vauxhalls, the urine. . . .

I'd find it difficult to object to a policing policy that wouldn't tolerate their existence on (what seems like) every street corner. What a great improvement it would be to everyone's quality of life if every group of anti-social morons were moved along or criminally prosecuted rather than left to drink cheap booze, smoke drugs and piss and vomit on the streets. This isn't illiberal, this is advancing civilisation. Another friend of mine (another Pete, funnily enough) recently returned from Prague where he had spent a great weekend in a beatiful and cultural city. Upon returning to London and travelling home from the airport, one of the first sights to greet him was somebody spitting on the tube. You've got to wonder what kind of society this is where some people's standards are so low they think nothing of this behaviour. It's only a matter of time before people just drop their trousers and shit on the pavement. . .

Jesus, I'm turning into Peter Hitchens. Not quite, but this is actually one area where we'd probably agree with each other. I don't think this position places doubts over my liberal credentials either: it can easily be defended on utilitarian grounds. What's the alternative? Probably something akin to the chilling prophecy depicted by Orwell in 1984:
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a Reebok Classic stamping on a human face - for ever.
* That is, a Hitler to go after the chavs. Not a Hitler derived from chavs. That would be horrendous. Say what you like about Nazis, but they were well dressed. Wouldn't be seen dead in some tat from Hackett.