We suck young blood

If there's one advert currently switching my ever-shorter fuse it's that vile thing starring Madonna and, oh, I forget her name, for Gap. Wretched, absolutely wretched. For fuck's sake, haven't you got enough money as it is without compromising yourself still further for a fucking high street clothes chain? Good grief woman! It'd be shameful enough, but as if anyone out there honestly believes for one moment that you would be seen dead in clothes from the fucking Gap!!! Jesus wept.

Back in April it was in the news that people who downloaded the new Madonna album over the internet were treated to a tirade of Mrs Ritchie shouting "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Sorry Madge, but the question should be: What the fuck do you think YOU'RE doing? You haven't done a decent song since Beautiful Stranger, and that was one of only a handful of half-decent things you've done in the last thirteen years.

Go retire with the scraps of dignity you've got left, will you? Have some more children or tie yourself up in yoga but PLEASE! No more music, definitely no more films and stop whoring yourself in front of billions for the rancid $$$ of Sweatshops R Us OK? Go on, feck off.